MIA or AWOL?

I know, I’m like a figment of your imagination when it comes to the blog here lately. It bugs me a lot that I don’t post like I used to, but the mental energy at the end of a mentally draining day does that to a person. I literally have nothing left, yet the funny thing is, I have a lot of stress I’d like to spew here and just choose not to. Plus putting coherent sentences together takes a lot of energy. I’d probably sound like a babbling mess..you know, like every other day.

I’m just at a crossroads job wise. I don’t even like to complain about it because as the saying goes; the grass is always greener, and I should be thanking my lucky stars to have a job.
I’m also not the type of person that has ever really complained about my pay. I’ve just never been in the thought process that I should be paid more (I’m weird like that..money isn’t everything, at least it used to not be). Maybe because I wasn’t the main bread winner/ lots of pressure on me kind of thing. Although I’m not technically the only one bringing in the dough.. but you get the drift. I’m in a different frame of mind now when it comes to pay. I’d love to go into all the details but for the most part I honestly do not get paid enough to endure the daily abuse, and over load of information I have to know and inform people on, and the daily changes all together. It’s seriously enough to do anyone in. The sad part is, I’m not the only one in our group that is unhappy and lots of people are leaving with in the course of the next few months. Lets just say there is obviously no incentive or motivation to do what we do everyday when we could be doing something just as stressful for a lot more pay.
I have been scouring the want ads/internet, not just for the hubs but for me too. Most would say to give it more time. I just don’t feel that I “fit in” in the type of environment I work in. The people are nice of course, but it’s hard to explain it’s not hard but I won’t go into specifics (or maybe I will). I supposedly do a good job, but I just don’t feel I do, and I just do enough to get by. Maybe I’m just really hard on myself. Though if you saw my stats, you’d see that I’m literally working my butt off compared to my coworker’s stats. Not that I’m bragging in the least, because I really could care less about numbers and stats. GAG!
Then there’s the whole theory that; what makes one think it would be any better somewhere else? I struggle with that constantly.
I’ve found a few prospects where the pay would at least make it worth while..and if I was possibly paid several dollars more it couldn’t possibly be any worse.
Then I found it… a job that I would love to do (again)… in fact it’s the exact job I did in college, and how I met my husband, the whole nine yards..not having to answer the phone. The pay, a couple of dollars more than what I’m doing. The down fall- no health insurance. I put it off a few days to stew it over and checked again last night and it’s already been removed from the listing. I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be.

Things have really sluffed off lately, not just the blog. School has completely gone to the wayside, which hurts my heart. I love school, I love learning. I’m just so mentally drained from work that when I’m home at night, the only thing mental I want to do is click on some farm animals to milk them and click on some crops to harvest them and maybe somewhere in the middle I’ll get some pieces to build my little house or an Easter egg or two, it’s the little things that thrill me. (It’s ok if you don’t understand it) Anything that does not mentally tax me.
Weekends I just want a break and there’s the whole house cleaning, spending time with family thing that also puts school and anything else to the end of line. It’s very sad, when it’s late Friday night and I’m already saddened that the weekend already feels over.
Ok I know I’ve whined and complained before and I’m sorry. Reading over this just makes me more sad. Thanks for enduring.

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3 thoughts on “MIA or AWOL?

  1. I think you should keep trying for something else. Leave it in “higher” hands. Surely you will not get a new position if it wasn’t meant to be!

  2. I really, really, really think you should look for a new job – actively. It sounds like you already are. I’ve been in jobs that just sucked down in my soul – not that there was anything particularly horrible persay but it just wasn’t the right fit. And that’s not healthy – you deserve better and I think you can get better. No need to feel bad about it – not every job is the right job and it won’t do you or your family any good to have you slaving away at a job you loathe.

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